Young co-pilots (with Suicidemission)

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh moved through the stretches and exercises in the kwoon, testing out his body's fresh scars and regained muscle mass now that he had finally been entirely cleared by medical. He couldn't believe they already wanted to put him back in a jaeger. He should have been discharged and sent away. It had almost happened, the UN had wanted to crucify him in the media because obviously it had to be the pilots' lapse in judgement that led to the wreckage of Gipsy Danger and the first mid-battle pilot death since the beginning of the war.

The UN had wanted him dishonorably discharged and Raleigh would have taken it, he would have left without fighting, but the Marshall had fought for him, defending his and Yancy's actions on the grounds that they had indeed saved the fishing boat, kept the kaiju off the Miracle Mile, and Raleigh all alone, had brought Gipsy Danger to shore.

Some days during recovery Raleigh was grateful that his life would still have purpose. Others he hated Stacker Pentecost for not just letting him go. The conditions of his stay dictated an active return to duty. Not just in a training or reserve capacity, but in a 100% back out there piloting a jaeger capacity. Raleigh didn't even know if he could stand the sight of a suit, let alone get in a conn pod with someone that wasn't Yancy.

Comments

[suicidemission]

He'd sort of known in the back of his head that Raleigh was gonna puss out, that he was gonna say no. It's infuriating, because they're fucking compatible, he knows it -- how could they not be? At this point, they spar frequently enough that Chuck's started to anticipate his moves, to move in tandem with Raleigh, dance with him instead of spar.

And then Raleigh says he can't, rejects him and it fucking sucks and makes him mad and sad and hurt and pissed off.

"Don't be a pussy, Becket. Pentecost's got you still here for a reason. Drift with me."

[thelastbecket]

"I won't drift until the Marshall makes me."

At least then it'll be Pentecost's fault when his broken pieces of YancyandRaleigh's brains ruin some young pilot candidate's mind and not his own choice to subject them to that. He's riding on borrowed time, he knows. Either they'll discover Yancy's in the corner of his mind pushing and prodding him through recovery and turn him into a lab rat, or they'll realize he's never going to be able to pilot again because he's not a whole person, but pieces of two and they'll throw him out on the street. He's not getting Chuck tangled up in his fiasco.

[suicidemission]

"You're better than that."

Chuck sounds disgusted.

"Your counts what, 5? One on your own. Fuckin' says something to me. Can't hide in the kwoon forever, Becket. Rise up and make a difference or get the fuck out. You're disgracing the goddamn Ranger name."

Chuck's getting up, to his feet; he's smarting from the rejection he knew he was going to get. Doesn't matter how expected it was, he's still pissed.

"Last chance, Raleigh. Pilot with me. We'd be fuckin' unstoppable."

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh sighs, because Chuck doesn't understand he's not better than this. The teen keeps going and as much as he's sounded like an asshole, as many times as Raleigh's thought he needs a kick in the ass, nothing's actually made him angry, made him see red like Chuck has now. He follows him to his feet and very nearly throws a punch because Chuck has no fucking idea what he's talking about.

"I didn't take down Knifehead alone." It's a snarl that echoes around the kwoon. Yancy's in the back of his head telling him to stop and calm down, but he can't. He's half back there in that moment, so torn and angry he doesn't have anything else, but to keep going.

"Don't you think I tried to get the fuck out? They were going to dishonorably discharge me. Blame me and Yancy for everything that it's the fucking pilots' faults because it couldn't possibly be that the kaiju are getting smarter and bigger. I was going to let them. Pentecost is the one that stepped in. He wouldn't let me go. "

The steam goes abruptly out of his sails, because that's the kicker. Pentecost knows how fucked up he is, and he wouldn't let him go. Raleigh's voice cracks.

"I don't deserve to drift again. Especially not with someone that's got the potential you do, Chuck."

[suicidemission]

He doesn't, know. He can't relate to what Raleigh went through because he's never experienced what it feels like to have someoen ripped out of your head.

He has, however, grown the fuck up real fast. He's seen things no kid should and he was practically raised in a cockpit anyway.

He's touched a nerve and he immediately regrest bringing up Knifehead but it's too late, Raleigh's already up and on his feet and Chuck's bracing for the blow, though it doesn't come.

"Then prove them wrong!" He shouts back, gesticulating wildly in the face of Raleigh's anger. "They think you're fucking pathetic, they were gonna discharge you, they think it's the pilots and not the kaiju - show them they're wrong." He comes up, gets kind of in Raleigh's face and it's probably a mistake but Chuck acts before he thinks and it doesn't always go well.

"Let me help you. Let me carry you through the Drift. I can do this. Just give me a chance."

[thelastbecket]

Chuck is in his face, it's just like the spar, giving as good as he gets. Raleigh can hear Yancy saying I'm in your brain and it's the same bullheadedness that sent them after the fishing boat instead of holding the Miracle Mile. Chuck has it, impossibly more than the Becket brothers did. He can't decide if he wants to hug Chuck or hit him in the face, so he doesn't do either. He just sags back, shaking his head.

"The point is, you shouldn't have to carry your co-pilot, Chuck. Whether you could was never in question."

When Pentecost says he has to pick a co-pilot, he'll demand Chuck Hansen, but until then. He's not saying yes. He won't make himself someone else's burden.

[suicidemission]

"The point is, Raleigh, you're making fucking excuses."

Chuck finally backs off, bends to snatch at his staff.

"That's all you are these days. A bunch of excuses. You know what, fine. I don't need a coward in the conn-pod with me anyway."

Hurt, angry, and reacting out of those things, Chuck throws his staff across the room, letting it hit the wall and clatter to the ground before heading to march out.

"Be a pussy. Stay in your hole, since that's where you've fuckign crawled to."

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh watches him go, falling back to the mat when he's sure Chuck's out door. He throws an arm over his eyes and sucks in air, trying to count himself down from a panic attack. It only half works and he can feel the tears flowing down his cheeks.

Yancy's clamoring in the back of his head and Raleigh remembers the last fight they took on together before the Academy when they were too young to know any goddamn better and Yancy beat the shit out of a bartender for calling him a faggot. Yancy's not there, but Raleigh tells him he can't beat up Chuck anyway. He deserved every single one of the kid's words.

His strained lonely peace lasts two weeks before Pentecost wants him in the kwoon. He goes through the motions, but it's obvious no one is actually as compatible as the paperwork says they are. Chuck isn't in the list, but at the end of the third day when the Marshall looks like he's about to tear him a new one, he leans on his staff and says it.

"Chuck Hansen. He helped me get back into form....He's the best candidate."

[suicidemission]

Chuck completely avoids Raleigh. He doesn't show up in the kwoon, he doesn't show up to spar, to Raleigh, Chuck may not ever have existed except for the rumors flying around saying that Chuck's even more of an asshole than usual, which is a pretty mean feat.

He doesn't bother going to Becket's trials and when he hears they've been extended to a second day and then a third, he's almost as smug as he is angry about it. He's not a candidate, he wasn't on the list, and you know what fine, he doesn't wanna be. That's just fucking fine.

Only it's not. It smarts and it burns and it makes him mad.

And then there's an overhead page for him to get his ass down to the kwoon and he's a sneering mess of young cadet stomping in.

He's greeted by the sight of Becket and the Marshal and he looks between them and snarls.

"What."

[thelastbecket]

The Marshall isn't impressed with Chuck's posturing, but he ignores it looking down at him with a steely eye.

"Mr. Becket is looking for a new co-pilot and he believe your name should have been on the candidate list."

Raleigh, for his part, stays in the middle of the mat fully expecting Chuck to refuse the same way he had two weeks ago.

[suicidemission]

"Of course it should have," Chuck snaps, straightening up. The Marshal's giving him that look, but Chuck doesn't care. He respects authority, respects the Marshal a fuckload more than he does Becket, but he's pissed.

His gaze swivels to Raleigh and for the moment, there's no one else in the room but them.

"Oh, now you want me? Changed your mind?"

He wants to refuse him, wants to walk out and not even turn around.

But he wants this, wants it so goddamn bad he can taste it so he stays put, right there in front of Raleigh.

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh sighs, and Pentecost is probably going to have words with him about withholding Chuck's name once he sees how good they are together, but Chuck's not leaving so he's going to have to do this. Let Chuck see exactly how ruined his mind is.

"I told you, I wasn't going to do this until I had to."

He waits, leaning on his staff, for Chuck to pick one up and take off his shoes.

[suicidemission]

"Yeah, that makes me feel bloody brilliant," Chuck snarls, leaning down to pulls his boots off, then his socks. Only then does he storm over and grab a staff and round on Raleigh, pulling himself up straight, eyes zeroing in on the older Ranger.

"Not holding back this time, Becket."

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh just sighs again. The point isn't to make Chuck feel brilliant. It's to get him to fuck off. Raleigh wins, but it's by the skin of his teeth. He's been in the kwoon for three days straight and it hasn't left him with a lot of extra energy. He can't tell what the Marshall's thinking when he looks at them, standing there at attention after the fight.

[suicidemission]

It almost works.

Almost.

Chuck's too dedicated to fuck off, though, too vested in the program and what it stands for to leave Raleigh alone.

He pours everything he has into it and the spar goes on longer than it should; they're compatible, it's obvious, and the Marshal looks between them, eyes flicking back and forth.

"Be ready - both of you, tomorrow morning - 0800. Drift testing will commence then."

The Marshal leaves and Chuck could crow, but Raleigh's face stops him.

[thelastbecket]

The kwoon clears out quickly and Raleigh sinks into a crouch, with his forehead tipped against his staff planted on the mat. He feels like the Marshall's just announced Chuck's death sentence. He's gonna get halfway through the initiation of the handshake and regret ever setting eyes on Raleigh. Finally, he sighs and looks up at Chuck.

"I'm sorry for what's gonna happen tomorrow. I'll see you at 0800."

[suicidemission]

"Stop," Chuck pants, straightening himself up and leaning heavily on the staff for a moment, "with the goddamn wounded animal act."

He stalks away, puts the staff up.

"You're not the only one that's fuckin' lost someone."

And with that -- he stalks out. Raleigh won't see Chuck again until that next morning, at 0800. He's standing there in his armor - his armor - ready to test, waiting for Raleigh.

He stares straight ahead, stony faced and he's clutching his helmet in his hands.

First Drifts are rough, his old man had told him last night. Gonna see a whole bunch of shit you'll wish you'd never seen.

So will he.

...Yeah, lad. So will he.

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh shows up at the last possible second so he doesn't have to look at Chuck's face any longer than he has to before they go under.

"Can I have the right side? My left arm is kind of shot." He had no clue if the circuitry would make the right connection through the scar tissue or not.

He was dreading this so much, but he forced himself to take a deep breath and find a calm place in his mind.

[suicidemission]

"Whatever."

Chuck hadn't been sure Raleigh was going to show up, truth be told. He steps over to the left side of the pod and stomps his boots into the clips, securing himself before the techs come and do the rest of the work.

"Focus, Becket," Chuck snaps, not bothering to look over at him. If he won't afford the same courtesy to Chuck then Chuck's not giving it to him. "Don't latch. Don't fuck this up for me."

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh takes another breath and doesn't rise to Chuck's rudeness. They strap in, Tendo counts them down.

Initializing neural handshake

Everything seems to be going okay, the shock of the neural hookup is familiar and sends the usual endorphins running through his system. The memories start flowing, kid scenes playing with a track of American and Australian accents, their moms, beautiful, hardworking, and dead. It's working, they're almost there. Then Raleigh looks left and he's not Raleigh anymore.

He's Yancy. Older, but not all that wiser and there's a fishing boat somewhere on Gipsy's left side counting on them. Knifehead's clawing at the conn pod. He knows something's going to happen and it's not going to be good, but he's so fucking glad it's on his side and not Raleigh's. There's panic welling up in him and nothing they can do to stop this.

Raleigh, listen to me- He screams because it's not enough that they're sharing a brain. He has to make Raleigh hear this--He feels the claws wrap around his body and then he's gone.

Raleigh comes back to himself and all he can see around him are the same red blinking alerts and all he can feel is the hopelessness and rage.

[suicidemission]

Chuck thinks maybe it's going to work. He relaxes, lets the Drift go by - he can do this, it'll be fine.

He sees buildings burning, he sees it from a chopper as he screams for his mother, a mother that burns under the nuclear bomb that he sees dropped on Sydney before his father can cover his eyes. He sees a little Japanese girl with a blue coat that becomes a sort of friend until they're older, and she's unable to advance because of reasons she's sworn him to secrecy on. He sees his father, tall and proud and unapproachable, a God among men that Chuck could never hope to compare to but still he tries, he tries and he fights and it's not teamwork, it's a competition. He sees Raleigh, sparring with him and his feelings color the Drift, bright yellows and reds of anger and frustration - and lust.

And then it shifts to Becket and everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

Godammit.

Chuck knew it'd happen, knew that Raleigh was going to start chasing. He'd known it, prepared for it, hoped it wouldn't happen.

It did, though - it did, and fucking Christ Becket was right, it was goddamn awful. Chuck's teeth are grinding in his head and he feels everything - he feels Yancy's fear, his pain. He feels Raleigh's pain and hurt and hopelessness and his rage.

Chuck feels it too. He understands rage, he understands pain and anger very well.

"Becket!" Chuck shouts, worming his way through memories and forcing himself to be a presence that's there, clinging onto the edge of Raleigh's consciousness.

"Raleigh Becket!"

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh's full of rage and ready to take down Knifehead again, but then Chuck's there, screaming his name in his face and as mad as Chuck has made him, as much hurt and guilt as Raleigh has felt over him, it's nothing like losing Yancy. So, it breaks the cycle and the memories or churning again, through their matches in the kwoon and then he's stabilizing. Yancy's there, fluttering and fretting at the back corner on the right, but it's the usual everyday stuff, not the debilitating personality warping stuff.

He's there, they're connected. Raleigh feels shaky as hell though, and kind of like Chuck's half supporting his weight. Which isn't the point, you shouldn't have to carry your co-pilot. Raleigh sucks it up, ignores Yancy's worries and the way his left arm twinges until he locks into place better and begins to feel like he's carrying his own weight in Gipsy Danger.

"Thanks." He says aloud, because all the gratitude in his brain isn't enough.

[suicidemission]

Just like Chuck said he would, he supports Raleigh. He forces himself into Raleigh's head and holds him up and it's goddamn exhausting, taking on that much of the neural load but he said he'd do it, said he'd get him up and running again and Chuck means what he says, and stays true to his word and carries the weight until Raleigh stabilizes.

He might be a little prick, but he's a damn good cadet and he's going to be an even better Ranger.

"Breath," Chuck croaks, flexing his fingers before running his eyes over the screen in front of him, checking the diagnostics. "She's welcoming you back, Becket. Say hi to Gipsy."

[thelastbecket]

They're up and they're going patched in seamlessly with Gipsy's circuits. He can feel how much Chuck's admired him, been disappointed in him, all of it. The best thing though, is Chuck's determination. In retrospect, Raleigh can't believe he ever thought he wasn't going to end up in a jaeger with Chuck Hansen. Raleigh hefts just a bit more of the neural load to give Chuck a chance to settle in again. Carrying just a tiny bit more won't hurt him while Chuck catches his breath.

He's even able to laugh at Chuck's words, grinning despite the fact that chasing the RABIT had worn him out. "Hello, gorgeous. I missed you, meet your new rookie. He's a prickly asshole, but a good guy."

[suicidemission]

Chuck sighs when Raleigh takes some of the load off of him, feeling like a small truck was just lifted from his shoulders.

"Your old pilots a bit of a pain in my ass," he tells her, rolling his shoulders in the harness, grinning wildly when Gipsy mimics his movements. "Took a bit to get his sorry self back in here."

[thelastbecket]

Raleigh sends the thought out, starts running them through their paces, stretching out Gipsy's arms and feeling the old elation and power piloting a jaeger always gave him. He figures he'll have nightmares and crash later, but maybe getting back in the drift, high and strong again was the kind of thing that would push his mind towards the same kind of recovery his body had made.

"But I'm back now." He says it with a quiet conviction.

[suicidemission]

"He's back," Chuck agrees firmly, moving with him, letting Raleigh take the lead and push them through the routines. He keeps an eye on the screens, checking statistics and sending Raleigh little mental nudges if something's off or if they're not moving perfectly in tandem.

They're good, though. The Marshal and Tendo and the others watch from Loccent and this beaten up pilot and hard-headed teenager are pretty fucking good together.