Soul Mates
Dec. 9th, 2013 04:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thelastbecketRaleigh can't get his head on straight. He's reeling from experiencing Yancy's death all over again, Mako's own trauma, and the confrontation with the Marhsall afterwards. He's off kilter, can hardly see the dome around him for the mess that's going on in his brain. He retreats back to his room feeling sick and overwhelmed. He's got to get himself together if he's ever going to figure out a way to get Pentecost to let Mako back into Gipsy with him. It was his fault, he was surprised and off guard. She would never have chased the RABIT without that.
He lays face down on the bed wondering if he could smother the mess in his mind.
{{cont. from: http://bakerstreet.dreamwidth.org/1351973.html?thread=784644389#cmt784644389 }}
He lays face down on the bed wondering if he could smother the mess in his mind.
{{cont. from: http://bakerstreet.dreamwidth.org/1351973.html?thread=784644389#cmt784644389 }}
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Date: 2013-12-09 10:30 pm (UTC)Chuck has a few (a lot of) choice words to tell not only Becket but also Stacker and Herc but he's too fucking busy vomiting into a toilet after he helps unplug Gipsy to go say anything about it to anyone. Raleigh's drama is hardcore and couple that with what he's feeling of Mako's, Chuck's seriously not in very good shape.
Neither is Becket, he vaguely realizes.
He stumbles to Raleigh's room, slams his fist against the door, and roars.
"Becket!"
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Date: 2013-12-09 10:48 pm (UTC)"It's open." He croaks, and he hopes Chuck heard it, or felt it, or something because he's not moving to open the door himself.
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Date: 2013-12-09 10:53 pm (UTC)Chuck stumbles in and he looks as shitty as Raleigh does. Pale, drawn, dark circles under his eyes. The door swings shut behind him and he clings to the wall, trying to keep himself upright.
"You're killing me," he wheezes. "You tell me to pull back and not let shit bleed over to you, but you don't do the fucking same in return! I just spent the last half hour puking my goddamn guts out because you can't keep yours and Mako's shit to yourself!"
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Date: 2013-12-09 11:20 pm (UTC)"That wasn't what I was saying. It was never about you bleeding over, it was about the methods you were using to keep me out." He murmurs into his pillow, but manages to turn and look at Chuck. "I'm sorry. I'll get it together."
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Date: 2013-12-09 11:25 pm (UTC)"I don't think you can," he hisses, fingertips digging into his scalp. "You don't seem to know what the fuck a goddamn shield is. Haven't you ever shielded yourself in the Drift before? Ever?"
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Date: 2013-12-09 11:41 pm (UTC)And he hasn't been able to since.
"There's a reason why I haven't been in a conn pod for over five years."
He wants nothing more than to crawl across the room and lays his head on Chuck Hansen's thigh, but he doesn't think that would go over all that well.
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Date: 2013-12-10 12:03 am (UTC)Chuck laughs hollowly, pressing his fingertips to his temples and massaging, eyeballing Raleigh from his position in the chair.
"Christ. Maybe fate really did know what it was doing."
It couldn't have picked two more fucked up Rangers and put them together.
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Date: 2013-12-10 12:49 am (UTC)Raleigh doesn't understand what his plethora of issues have to do with whether or not fate thinks he's a good soul mate for Chuck. He does, however, know he's desperate enough to get rid of the last dregs of his pride.
"Would you-come sit with me over here?" He needs Chuck Hansen like the oxygen in the air to get his brain back in order. Just for a little bit, then Chuck could leave again if he wanted.
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Date: 2013-12-10 12:54 am (UTC)He needs Raleigh. He needs him, if just to curl up next to him, otherwise Chuck really thinks he might just fucking die.
"Yeah."
He takes a minute to kick his boots off, then pushes himself up and out of the chair. He sheds his jacket, dropping it where he was sitting before he picks his way over and crawls his way up Raleigh's bed.
It's not what Raleigh asked for, Chuck's not sitting there with him - fuck that. Chuck's losing his fucking mind and he needs to be close, so he's sliding right into bed with him, tangling their limbs up and tugging the older man into his arms.
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Date: 2013-12-10 01:39 am (UTC)Chuck, this is...perfect.
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Date: 2013-12-10 01:47 am (UTC)It's -- the best nothing he's ever felt.
His arms tighten around Raleigh and he's surprised how small Raleigh really is. He doesn't look it, not from first glance and definitely not in the kwoon but Raleigh's not nearly as big as Chuck thought he was.
Godammit. How the hell -- is he supposed to walk away from this? He's not, he knows but --
He'd liked to have maybe had a choice about the whole thing. He damn sure hasn't really had a choice about many things in his life, why would this be an exception? He shudders against Raleigh, nosing into his hair and breathing deep, inhaling him while his hands absently slide up and down Raleigh's back, palms hot and warm and protective.
Fuck.
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Date: 2013-12-10 02:22 am (UTC)I would like to here forever with you.
The thought passes stray through the perfect silence of their minds, ringing there between them. Once it's there Raleigh can't stop the next few from following.
I want to get to know you, Chuck, and for you to know me. I want you to want me, someday.
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Date: 2013-12-10 02:32 am (UTC)"You don't even like me," he chokes out, "you've never liked me. This isn't possible."
Raleigh can't want him this much - they fucking hate each other how is this a possibility? It's too overwhelming, too much for him and he buries his face into Raleigh's hair again to muffle his ragged sob of frustration.
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Date: 2013-12-10 03:07 am (UTC)He gets Chuck's disbelief, his fear, and the way Chuck thinks he doesn't like him, but he has no clue where those threads of color came from. He turns his own thoughts into green swirls of color trying to see if he can get Chuck to understand.
I didn't know you. I never didn't like you. I do like you. You're strong, even when you're scared as hell. You're a good man, even if you're an asshole. I never hated you, not for a minute.
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Date: 2013-12-10 03:27 am (UTC)Every scarred, busted up, broken, torn, angry, sad part of him. Chuck Hansen is a complex person with equally complex wants; contrary to popular belief, he's anything but simple.
I can't--
Do this. Complete it. HE can't -- fucking lose Raleigh.
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Date: 2013-12-10 04:18 am (UTC)Raleigh feels like a stone buried beneath the onslaught of Chuck's emotions and thoughts. It takes him a few minutes to sort them all out, threading them through the pieces of himself anchoring them down to they won't blow away. It's beautiful in a devastating way and Raleigh loves him.
He understands then, what Chuck is afraid of. He won't ask Chuck to complete the bond, not until he wants to, until he think he's ready because he can't promise that Chuck won't lose him.
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Date: 2013-12-10 04:27 am (UTC)He shows him the clench of Raleigh's jaw, the look on his face when he glanced over at Chuck in the hanger - Chuck's interpreted it all wrong, they hadn't even really had a moment to get to know one another but everyone hates Chuck so he'd assumed--
Don't, he whines, curling close. Don't think shit like that. Like love. IT's too much, it's so much, they barely even know each other and already they're in far, far too deep and Chuck's fucking terrified and he holds Raleigh that much closer, afraid to let him go.
It'd be easy, to just let go, to complete it right here and now. It'd be simple. It'd make their lives easier, no doubt and Chuck doesn't know that he can walk away from Raleigh without completing it - not now that he's felt what it's like to hold him in his arms, what it's like to press his nose into his hair and breath him in.
Raleigh--
Help him. He's lost and confused and seeking solace because he doesn't know what to do.
I don't think I can walk away from you again.
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Date: 2013-12-10 04:43 am (UTC)I didn't hate you, I just didn't know how to face you.
He can't bring himself to unclench his fists from Chuck's shirt, either, so he continues working with his brain instead of his mouth. He tries to give Chuck the impression that he's wrapped around him, just as well as he was physically being held by Chuck. He tried to communicate the warmth and safety Chuck lets him feel.
You don't have to walk away, and you don't have to know what to do right now. We can wait.
He thinks about how to explain it.
Being in different parts of the dome doesn't matter if we know where we stand together and it's a better place.
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Date: 2013-12-10 04:54 am (UTC)Yeah.
Makes sense. It does. And Chuck likes the idea of not having to complete it, of just knowing that they're there and that they can maybe come back and do this some more but he knows - he knows he can't stay away forever and the longer he tries, the worse it will get.
He can't think in terms of 'I'm afraid', but he can show Raleigh. It's easier than trying to say it or think it.
He remembers how it felt to lose his mother and in a way, he lost his father and himself that day, too. Losing them had wrecked his life and soul. Losing Raleigh would destroy him.
It worth the risk, mate?
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Date: 2013-12-10 05:05 am (UTC)I think it is. I think we've both lost too much to not take what we can, but I also want you to be sure about it for yourself, not just because I'm sure I want it.
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Date: 2013-12-10 05:13 am (UTC)It's a hell of a risk. If one of them dies, it'll -- it'll be Yancy all over again for Raleigh and Angela all over again for Chuck, except multiplied. There'll never be anyone else, ever.
At this point, there wouldn't be, anyway. Chuck's so wrapped up in this has-been that people could strip naked and have a giant fuck fest in the hanger and he'd never notice, as tangled up as he is with Becket.
"Let's do it."
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Date: 2013-12-10 05:55 am (UTC)"You're sure?"
He's still wide open and waiting for Chuck, feeling the lingering contentedness of Chuck's possessive hand in his hair.
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Date: 2013-12-10 06:09 am (UTC)And just like that, Chuck's switch is flipped.
There's never been anything in his life that he's more sure about than what he's saying in this moment, right here.
"Course I'm fuckin' sure," he scoffs, grip tightening in his hair. He flashes a grin, lazy and quick and maybe a little inappropriate considering his previous stance on the matter. "Your ass is mine, BEcket. Like hell I'm gonna give that up."
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Date: 2013-12-10 06:23 am (UTC)Even though Raleigh is definitely interested in Chuck's claim on that particular part of his body. He sets that thought aside though, and let's go of his hold on all the threads of his mind and Chuck's. They thread themselves together like they'd been waiting to. It makes some sort of living tapestry stronger than Gipsy and Striker put together between their brains.
"All yours." It whispers between them out loud and across their new forming bond.
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Date: 2013-12-10 06:55 am (UTC)"Mine," he repeats, a little in awe, and he ducks his head in close, clinging to Raleigh as the final pieces knit together.